Happiness is the highest from of health

Tracing The Links To Suicide

The Child Emotion Lab and work conducted by Dr.’s Seth Pollak, Moshe Szyf, and. Dr. Pollak explains that children of abuse will endure a lot of physical ailments because of the emotional trauma they endure as a child of abuse. Dr. Szyf believes our experiences in life affect our genes significantly and can alter the way our cells function without changing the DNA functions; this is called epigenetics. Epigenetics explains how identical cells, with the same DNA can turn one cell into a liver cell, and one into a heart cell, or one into a cancer cell.

Dr. Szyf conducted a study on rat pups in 2005, at McGill University, with colleagues, and found the rat pups had a gene that helped them manage stress, called the NR3C1 gene. The NR3C1 gene was a methylated muted gene, made of tiny quartets of carbon and hydrogen atoms, which stick to the DNA, and derail the cellular machinery that translates genes into proteins. Dr. Pollok’s staff checked the blood of children who came from abused homes and found they had the same methylated gene. NR3C1 is the gene that codes for the hormone cortisol, which helps you in flight or fight response, when you feel threatened.

A child in an abusive situation feels threatened continually, so this becomes a problem when the cortisol levels stay high, leading to adult heart disease, diabetes II, auto immune diseases due to inflammation, and other diseases. Having these genes damaged due to abuse, is similar to the damage due to radiation or drug abuse on a cellular level.

Many survivors suffer with emotional, psychological, and physical ailments, another issue is mental illness, depression, and suicide. Survivors have mentioned wanting to drive into oncoming traffic or to drive off a bridge; or think of other ways to commit suicide. With the holiday’s coming up, I encourage you to surround yourself with those who love and support you, not family and friends who want you to pretend the abuse never happened because it is more comfortable for them in denial.

In another study by Dr. Zachary Kaminsky, at John Hopkins University, in Baltimore, MD, they found the gene SKA2, which can predict if someone may likely take their own life. Researchers have found the gene, SKA2, in the prefrontal cortex, is responsible for controlling impulsive behavior and preventing negative thoughts. If the gene is altered, the body can’t control the levels of cortisol in the system. Research showed victims had large amounts of cortisol in their system.

The blood test had a 90 % accuracy rate; and a 96% accuracy rate for those who have already attempted suicide, just by looking at their SKA2 levels.

Dr. Kaminsky thought this was important in placing patients on suicide watch, restricting drug access, equipment they might use, soldiers entering or returning from war, and what care to give.

Ambient Abuse

By fostering a dependency that creates a power differential, the ambient abuser implies s/he possesses great insight, which will assist the targeted victim in her growth and well-being. The ambient abuser ostensibly only wants the best for the target. The ambient abuser behaves altruistically, concealing the underlying motive to get the upper hand. The ambient abusers’ appearance of benevolence, honesty and generosity is seductive and disorients the target and assists in ensuring the necessary leverage needed to ‘manage’ the target and diminish her self worth.

When conflict emerges it’s an opportunity for the ambient abuser to deny wrongdoing and assign responsibility for the alleged infraction to the target. The seemingly well-intentioned ambient abuser may ‘selflessly’ point out how the flaws and shortcomings in the target are responsible for instigating the dispute.

George K. Simon Jr., wrote (In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People), “Playing the victim role: Manipulator portrays him – or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else’s behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.” Hence, the target, naturally inclined to believe that the ambient abuser is fundamentally ethical and that cooperation and compassion are collective moral imperatives, yields to what s/he assumes will be a collaborative effort to work through difficulties. The ambient abuser capitalizes on this pre-disposition.

Should the target dare to question the stealth abuser’s intermittent barbs and disparagement, further distortion ensues. A disorienting narrative unfolds in which the target is held liable for questioning motives and doubting the sincerity of the abuser. This scenario involves the target being convinced that in fact it is s/he who is abusive and irrational. Alternatively the ambient abuser may initially pretend to concede and acknowledge ‘their part’ so as to strategically reassure the target. In due time the ambient abuser will reaffirm the target’s unreasonable ‘misconduct’ denying he ever conceded responsibility at all.

These myriad tactics deployed by the ambient abuser are known as gaslighting. False information is manufactured and deliberately presented to the victim, so as to make her doubt her memory and/or perceptions.

As this recurrent circuitous dynamic persists greater frequency and intensity of gaslighting occurs. Inevitably the target is pummeled into silence and cognitive dissonance. She succumbs to the coercion, believing it is her paranoia and/or unhealed afflictions and flaws, which cause her to behave so egregiously and are responsible for igniting relational difficulties. She begins to doubt her sanity.

Ultimately the corrosive impact of ambient abuse results in the target losing sight of who she is. She is bewildered as to what defines her reality, and comes to view herself as inherently defective. Her sense of personal agency has vanished. Bouts of emotional flooding vacillate with episodic dissociation. S/he is fearful, paranoid, and marginalized. At this point the bond between abuser and victim is characterized by Stockholm Syndrome; a pathological infantile attachment in which one’s tormenter is perceived as one’s redeemer.

Prevent Dangerous Outcomes

I continued his research from that point and on by precisely obeying the divine guidance in my dreams, after discovering that God is the dream producer. I had a religious attitude.

I was young and ignorant, and I recognized the fact that I needed guidance. I couldn’t imagine what I would find in the end.

When I discovered the existence of the satanic anti-conscience in the human brain (in January of 1989) I kept obeying God’s guidance as I was doing before discovering it, but with more seriousness. My obedience was the result of a long preparation.

When someone discovers something this person has to act according to the knowledge they have after making this discovery.

I felt somehow like Alfred Nobel, who invented dynamite because he discovered its explosive power. He had to deal with many accidents, and his brother died because of an explosion in one of their factories. He suffered very much because of his dangerous discovery.

The fact that I discovered the existence of a satanic conscience that works in parallel with our human conscience in our brain was like discovering the existence of a bomb in the human brain, ready to explode.

My discovery was more than terrible. This discovery changed the meaning of everything.

However, it was indispensable. The fact that I discovered that Satan lives in the human brain is positive for humanity, even though this is a bitter truth. We have to stop being indifferent to absurdity in order to stop being victims of our satanic anti-conscience.

Many tragic cases prove this bitter truth. Women who suffer from postpartum psychosis and kill their babies after having a child prove that there is a demon inside their brain, generating absurd and evil behavior. Otherwise, they would never kill their own child. Tragic cases of people who suffer from multiple personality disorder and don’t remember the crimes they commit when they are controlled by a violent part of their personality prove this fact the same way.

We can find many similar examples if we will examine the mental health problems and crimes of the human race.

We believed that only some people were mentally ill and most people were normal. However, thanks to the knowledge we have now, we know that everyone is mentally ill from birth. We inherit a satanic primitive conscience and our human conscience must be developed in order to become really intelligent and sensitive.

Everyone is absurd, but some people manage to hide their absurdity.

The same demon that is responsible for the crimes committed by those who are condemned by our hypocritical society lives in the brain of these who condemn their actions.

Anyone can become a murderer or a thief, or commit suicide at any time, even if they seemed to be reasonable, sensitive, and honest all their lives. Everything depends on how strong their anti-conscience is, and on the situations they face in life.

We have many recurring dreams and nightmares because they reflect the absurdity imposed by our anti-conscience to our conscience.

Why would we have terrible nightmares if we had no reason to be afraid of anything?

If we were mentally healthy, we wouldn’t have nightmares and bad dreams. We would have only interesting dreams giving us information about the future.

A woman who suffers from postpartum psychosis cannot suppose that she will be affected by this terrible mental disorder after giving birth. The only way she can prevent it is by following psychotherapy through dream interpretation based on the scientific method before giving birth.

A person who suffers from multiple personality disorder or schizophrenia couldn’t suppose that this was their destiny before acquiring this mental illness.

Only if we will precisely obey the divine guidance in our dreams can we prevent craziness and terror.

Prevent Mental Health Problems

We are not alive to live like animals. Material pleasures don’t help us evolve.

We have to stop being frivolous and pay attention to those who are suffering.

We have to eliminate terror, poverty, immorality, and all the horrors of the world. We have to forgive our enemies and let God punish everyone whenever they will be able to learn their lessons and regret.

We wouldn’t think about getting revenge if we didn’t have a satanic nature. We feel pleasure when our enemies suffer because we are absurd and evil.

Their suffering doesn’t erase our suffering. We shouldn’t become glad when they are punished. We should be sorry for them because they were controlled by their satanic anti-conscience when they were evil.

The main reason why God doesn’t immediately punish all sinners the way they deserve to be punished while they are alive is because their enemies would become glad, feeling that they got revenge. The worst sinners are punished many years after committing their sins.

We have to stop wanting to get revenge of our enemies and feel compassion for them because they are sick. On the other hand, all sinners are punished after death, besides being punished while they are alive even if this is not visible to the outside world.

We should realize that our life on earth is a temporary period of time that prepares us for our life after death, instead of believing that we have to live well on earth. Here we are in a school. We have to learn many lessons and evolve.

We have to change many things now that we know that there is a demon in our brain, but first of all everyone must believe in this fact and stop being superficial and frivolous.

Most people don’t want to believe in the existence of the anti-conscience, but we cannot keep being indifferent now that we know the truth. The demon is always trying to kill us, besides destroying other people’s lives.

The confrontation with the anti-conscience demands a heroic attitude that most people don’t want to have. However, all dreamers have to verify the existence of a demon in their brain through dream translation, even without directly fighting its absurdity in their daily life like I had to do when I discovered its existence.

For me everything was very dangerous and unbearable because I was the first one to discover the existence of the anti-conscience and I was predetermined to face schizophrenia at a certain point of my life. For everyone else this experience is sad, but safe and simple thanks to the process they follow through dream translation.

The anti-conscience generates too many unbearable symptoms at the same time, like dizziness, loss of equilibrium, and many other unpleasant sensations. However, its attacks are organized. They become worse as it tries to destroy the person’s conscience without managing to do it.

The attacks of the anti-conscience begin with dizziness, oral and visual distortions, and many absurd and repetitive thoughts about the most mundane aspects of the human life. Then, it sends panic attacks, blackouts, and hallucinations to the person’s conscience. It is an invincible enemy.

I could survive its attacks without losing my mind because I was praying all the time and I was studying my experiences like a doctor, always guided by God, who was helping me face this dangerous battle through many ways, besides sending me information in dreams.

I had the codes I found in Chico Xavier’s book. These codes helped me have a direct communication with God without sleeping and dreaming. This alternative changed everything for me. My communication with God went to the next level. I didn’t doubt that God was alive, and I didn’t doubt that the terrible symptoms I had to bear were sent by a demon.

This is why I could survive and I’m giving you lessons today. I managed to face everything with courage in order to give you this information and help you avoid being a victim of your anti-conscience. You won’t bear to fight its unbearable symptoms like I did.

The same demon I found in my brain lives in everyone’s brain. I was not an exception.

God helped me clearly understand the relationship between religion and science. All mental illnesses are generated by Satan (our satanic anti-conscience) when it manages to invade our conscience.

You can verify the existence of your anti-conscience in your dreams, without having to face its unbearable symptoms like me. This way you will be able to prevent mental health problems.

This verification requires great courage because what you understand after verifying that you are too absurd changes your life. You stop being frivolous and inconsequential. You become a mature and responsible person.

Children and Mental Health

  • Air pollution: According to the World Health Organization (WHO), air pollution is the world’s greatest environmental health risk, linked to one in eight of the total global deaths. But when it comes to air pollution, people generally connect it to respiratory problems, like coughing, wheezing, asthma, etc. A 2016 study by the Umeå University in Sweden revealed that there is a strong link between polluted air and the rise in kids’ mental health problems. In fact, they found that the children who stayed in highly polluted areas were most likely to take prescribed medications associated with long-term mental problems.
  • Weather worries: Worrying constantly about weather can cause mental problems, like phobia and stress. According to Stephen Whiteside, a psychologist and anxiety prevention expert at the Mayo Clinic Children’s Center in Rochester, being anxious due to severe weather conditions is normal. However, some children develop storm phobias that affect their day-to-day lives. He added that constantly worrying about the weather makes it difficult for such kids to concentrate in schools. Moreover, there have been instances when children routinely check the weather forecasts and are afraid to leave the house.
  • Spanking: Spanking is seen as a common method to discipline a child. However, a 2016 study by the University of Texas at Austin and the University of Michigan confirmed that spanking might increase the risks of mental health disorders, cognitive impairment, aggression and anti-social behavior in children. Spanking, in fact, might cause long-term mental problems that greatly overshadow the short-term behavioral obedience.
  • Threatening parents: Parents who yell and threaten their children can trigger depression and other disruptive disorders in them. A 2010 study done by Bowling Green State University, Ohio, revealed that verbal hostility can put the children at greater risks of developing mental problems. As Peggy O’Mara, renowned editor and publisher said, “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”
  • Cyberbullying: Physical bullying definitely causes a negative effect on a child’s mind. But with more time spent on social media, children now become victims of cyberbullying too. The Huffington Post website states that since cyberbullying takes place in a virtual space without any physical contact, the agony experienced by a child can be double than normal. Since the child is powerless to take any real-time measures to stop such a harassment, he/she feels more tormented and mentally distressed.

Mental Health Industry Needs to Overcome Stigma

I was learning to chop cheese steaks at a Korean owned deli and instantly enamored with this mentor on the grill, Mister Ray Gee. The deli was located just across the river from downtown Philadelphia, in the North Camden ghetto. This Mister Ray and I were just meeting. We were both the same skin-and-bones size, our last names went together in rhyme, and any middle aged man who didn’t have a gut was an inspiration to me.

Mister Ray took one look at me and exclaimed in one breath, “Wow you are like Nervous Norton! But don’t worry, it’s not your fault! You were just raised that way!”

Without missing a breath, our supervisor, a short and stout man who we called Doc set me to work scraping grease off the floor with a razor blade. I dove into the work very comfortable with what had just occurred. I felt a little charge with the challenge. On my knees I scraped and scraped to overcompensate.

I immediately found myself thinking about how when I returned to school from four months of incarceration in two different mental health hospitals, I had only scoffed when my peers, the majority of whom had previously bullied me, welcomed me back with a little gift certificate. I had reasoned that it wasn’t all that unusual of a gesture for peers at a private Quaker school to extend. I had only been humiliated. I had to acknowledge that it was nervous behavior.

I thought even more about the sessions the family had in Salvador Minuchin’s reputable inpatient clinic. One day in session, my Mom openly admitted that she shared the content of a session back to a work colleague. My Mom worked at the school I attended. She later gave me evidence that my private information was filtering down to the jury of my peers who were sorry and praying for her. When I returned to school much of this would appear to be confirmed. Worse no therapist on the hospital staff seemed to acknowledge my perspective.

On my knees, I sensed Mister Ray was intuiting aspects of these complexities with his test. If I was willing to pass his test, he was giving me a chance to learn something new.

In the yearbook back at Quaker school, my peers lied about the local commuter school I chose to attend. They said that I went to the high cost prestige of Antioch University in Ohio. I was an honor student and I was making them all look bad when I moved to the ghetto with a twenty-five-year-old girlfriend and save my parents money. Communication in my family about finances is such that I still don’t know if I really had a choice.

A few months later, I got my second point of wisdom from Mister Ray. By this time I had learned to use the grill from him. I had heard about his sexual exploits with white girls without judgment. I had aptly proven that outside work I was just a book worm in the library, but could curse. And though it was true that by that time he knew I lived with roaches to escape from an abusive relationship, I think what really earned me respect was my willingness to let him con me into driving him uptown after work to cop.

In any case, he decided to help me. He said, “Boy, you have got to work smarter, not harder.” It became a mantra along with his nickname for me, Nervous Norton.

Again, I felt profoundly understood. It wasn’t that I marveled because I didn’t expect anything from him. We had fallen into a pattern of respect. With few words and resilience of spirit he inspired a spiritual healing within.

As a man with significant learning disabilities, I couldn’t afford to immediately practice Mister Ray’s second lesson. When I would be a graduate and fledgling social worker I would have a habit of positioning myself beneath supervisors as I worked my way through a Master’s Program and carrying out their will.

This worked fine until I graduated and got hired by a supervisor who also sustained a cocaine habit in a west coast city. I became radicalized and started breaking standard drug war codes of behavior in a section 8 housing project. This caused me to believe that I was being followed. I ended up incarcerated in an old order state hospital. It took two and a half years of poverty, but I eventually would recover. In order to recover I would need to learn how to do things like honor my mother in spite of those perceptions I had back in high school.I would need to accept stigma and find ways to do battle with it.

It wasn’t till six years after I recouped my career that I actually started to use Mister Ray’s well remembered advice. I started running groups about surviving “psychosis” using my own experience. I started my own personal practice of keeping in real in therapy.

Perhaps it was unique privilege to be taught points of wisdom by Mister Ray. They continue to help me see through the lies and shortcomings that currently limit our mental health field, evidence based practice and the medical model. I even see through elements of cultural bias in some anti-establishment rhetoric.

Sadly, Ray and Doc had only lasted a few seasons before they both quit because of becoming disgruntled with the Korean mobster management and oppression. I certainly didn’t blame them even though I ended up losing touch. At the Deli, stale cereal sold for seven dollars a box and there were no supermarkets within a ten mile radius. Neighborhood contacts reported that Doc, who had used unacknowledged expertise to diversify the menu, had a subsequent binge on crack.

I ended up partnering with a similarly aged cohort from the neighborhood because I did need the money. My partner and I ended up mentoring youth beneath us. They had a choice, I would learn, between working with us under the table, and working to sell crack under the bridge. Some didn’t have longevity, but several did. For several years they were my family and social life.

Though I am well aware that not all academic and administrative folks need a lecture about mainstream paradigms, now that I am advocating for the development of an out of the box program in an utterly oppressive system, I find many who do. I believe we can train individuals who have experienced “psychosis” and are on the streets to run support groups. I have helped prove this could be done, but not everyone wants to listen.

At work as a psychotherapist in an inner-city program, I do therapy with good Mister Ray people who have more beauty in their hearts and suffering in their bones than me, but who are rendered immobile and impoverished. I believe a lot less harm could be done. I believe solutions exist that can transform the system from being a cotton industry to a soil saving industry of mixed nuts. It’s just that no one wants to listen.

I think of Mister Ray’s mentor-ship and what it must have been like him to observe an upwardly mobile, eager to work, perfectionist, anorexic white boy and decide in spite of my disgust, to support him. I figure it is something like making friends with a person who defends those stale seven dollar boxes of cereal paradigms that fail people.

Overcoming Gym Anxiety

However, one must remember that they are not alone and that gym anxiety plagues millions of people across the globe. One grapples with gym anxiety when one is not confident about their looks and unsure about how to use a particular gym equipment. Nevertheless, there are ways to combat this issue. Some of these are:

  1. Taking a group fitness class – Taking a group fitness class can greatly alleviate the anxiety one has in the initial few days of joining a gym. It can be comforting to know that everyone around is new and that everyone is getting to know each other. The friendliness that pervades such classes can easily take the stress out of the situation.
  2. Focusing on your workout – When one is focused on their workout, they are least bothered by what others think about them. One must focus on achieving something every day, no matter how small a milestone is. If one is in need of better focus, one might plug in their headphones and listen to their favorite playlist.
  3. Talking to the fitness instructor – Instead of missing out on exercises, wondering how to do them or shirking from using an exercise machine because of lack of knowledge, it is better to talk to the fitness instructor. These professionals would be more than willing to extend help. Therefore, do not shy away from asking them in case of a doubt.
  4. Avoiding going solo – Instead of marching up the driveway of a gym solo, one can make an entry with a friend or a companion. This can greatly boost one’s morale and alleviate the stress of joining a gym alone. Further, the thought of spending some quality time with the friend would keep one motivated and ensure that they attend the gym regularly. Setting fitness goals would also help.
  5. Exercising or not during peak hours – Peak hours may get quite stressful due to the rush. Therefore, one must avoid that time to derive maximum benefit of visiting a gym. Schedule your gym visit in the wee hours of the morning, late afternoon, or late evening to avoid the rush hour and exercise at your will and time. On the other hand, visiting a gym during peak hours can be helpful if someone wants to learn about how different people use different equipment.

Protect Your Mental Health

In your dreams the movement your ego makes from one conscience to another appears when you go up or down. When you go upstairs you go to the region of your human conscience. This means that you think based on human standards. When you go down you go to the dangerous region of your satanic anti-conscience, where you think based on absurdity and evilness.

The constant influence of your anti-conscience is represented by your mother. Whenever you have dreams about your mother this means that your anti-conscience is influencing or controlling your mind and your behavior.

You have to be afraid of your anti-conscience because its intention is to destroy your conscience and replace your ego. However, your anti-conscience is your evil self. You believe that your evil self helps you in many ways, and that it defends you from your enemies. This is a misleading impression, but you trust your evil self more than anyone else.

You believe that you need an evil self because you don’t want to be foolish. You want to be smart and take advantage of all the opportunities you may have to live better. You also believe that your evil self helps you understand who is evil, while this is not true.

Therefore, you are a perfect victim to your satanic anti-conscience. You listen to its evil thoughts as if there was something useful in them.

Depending on how much you will pay attention to these absurd and evil thoughts, you will lose more or less consciousness.

You must learn how to identify all the signs of evilness in order to have a clear mind and think based on justice.

Your anti-conscience makes you believe that there is no difference between good or evil. It transforms everything into the same thing, as if there was no difference at all between good and evil.

You become more insensitive and more idiotic as you follow the absurd thoughts it sends to your conscience, but you don’t understand this fact.

Your dreams help you stop being a slave to your anti-conscience and develop your conscience. Your evil self disappears as you develop your human side through dream translation.

While you are alive you have to understand that without goodness everything is false, empty, and dangerous. This philosophical comprehension is indispensable for the salvation of your conscience. Otherwise, it will be destroyed by your satanic anti-conscience.

However, you are easily misled by the impression that evilness is smarter than goodness. You don’t think about the consequences of your mistakes. You don’t take your spirit into consideration. You don’t believe that there is life after death.

You make many mistakes.

When you accept evil thoughts as if they were useful you believe in delusions, but you don’t understand this fact. You believe that what is false, empty, temporary, and dangerous can make you happy.

You are alive in order to discover that goodness is indispensable in life, and cultivate goodness in your heart. However, this comprehension cannot be imposed. You have to understand this fact by yourself.

This is a difficult matter when you tend to think based on the evil thoughts of your anti-conscience and you believe that you have more advantages when you are selfish.

You don’t believe that selfishness is evilness, but when you are selfish you think only about your own interests. So, you do everything you can to protect and achieve your goals, without caring about justice.

You may try to justify your actions based on an ‘individualistic justice’, but your definitions don’t change the evilness existent in your thoughts and actions. You give many excuses to yourself.

You tend to add good characteristics to what is bad because this is convenient for your ego and your anti-conscience suggests this convenient distortion.

Your dreams help you stop making this mistake. You must learn how to clearly recognize what is bad in order to protect your conscience.

Ways to Help Become Mentally Stronger

Be Optimistic

Optimism is a characteristic always displayed by successful people. How so? Because they never gave in to their failures and always pushed through despite the obstacles. They remain optimistic throughout the ups and downs of their journey. Additionally, these successful and mentally strong people are supported by their friends, relatives, and colleagues-a group of positive people. They don’t let pessimism get in the way of reaching their goals. Be the person that looks at a glass half full.

Find Balance With Negative Thoughts

Acknowledging negative thoughts also comes in handy at times. It enables you to see what could go wrong and how to plan and deal with it in advance. To be clear, negative thinking is welcome but being a pessimist isn’t.

Use Your Mental Energy Wisely

Distraction is one of the common causes of unproductivity and decreased mental energy. It’s always lurking and hiding in various forms, the most common being your smartphone and the social media apps you can access with just a few swipes and taps. Admit it, there are times where you just pause your work only to find yourself scrolling through your Instagram or Facebook feed.

Mentally strong people use their time wisely and their energy carefully. They are focused on achieving their daily (and ultimate) goals. They’re also mindful of their time so they devote to things that matter.

Practice Gratitude

If you’re not contented with what you have now and you’re always seeking for more, that attitude can have a negative effect on your mental well-being.

Those people who are mentally healthy acknowledge what they have and express gratitude for it whether it be big or small. They take pride in what they have and accomplished, and they’re thankful for everything they’re blessed with.

One Step at a Time

Difficult times can be overwhelming. It also challenges your mental strength. When you’re faced with certain challenges no matter big or small, it’s important to keep your cool and deal with it one step at a time.

Let’s say the challenge is to lose weight. First, the challenge is ambiguous. Set a concrete goal. For instance, lose 10 pounds in a month. Break it down into smaller, doable goals (i.e. lose 3 pounds in a week) that when combined, leads to achieving your ultimate goal. This method will make the challenge easier and more achievable.

Trauma and Codependency

Childhood Trauma

Childhood itself may be traumatic when it’s not safe to be spontaneous, vulnerable, and authentic. It’s emotionally damaging if you were ignored, shamed, or punished for expressing your thoughts or feelings or for being immature, imperfect, or having needs and wants. Some people are neglected or emotionally or physically abandoned and conclude they can’t trust or rely on anyone. They hide their real, child self, and play an adult role before they’re ready. Divorce, illness, or loss of a parent or sibling can also be traumatic, depending upon the way in which it was handled by parents. Occurrences become harmful when they’re either chronic or severe to the extent that they overwhelm a child’s limited ability to cope with what was happening.

How you’ve encountered these experiences are your wounds. Most everyone manages to grow up, but the scars remain and account for problems in relationships and coping with reality. Deeper healing requires reopening those wounds, cleaning them, and applying the medicine of compassion.

Symptoms of Trauma

Trauma is a subjective experience and differs from person to person. Each child in a family will react differently to the same experience and to trauma. Symptoms may come and go, and may not show up until years after the event. You needn’t have all of the following symptoms to have experienced trauma:

  • Over-reacting to triggers that are reminders of the trauma
  • Avoiding thinking, experiencing, or talking about triggers for the trauma
  • Avoiding activities you once enjoyed
  • Feeling hopeless about the future
  • Experiencing memory lapses or inability to recall parts of trauma
  • Having difficulty concentrating
  • Having difficulty maintaining close relationships
  • Feeling irritable or angry
  • Feeling overwhelming guilt or shame
  • Behaving in a self-destructive manner
  • Being easily frightened and startled
  • Being hypervigilant – excessively fearful
  • Hearing or seeing things that aren’t there
  • Having restricted feelings – sometimes numb or emotionally flat, or detached from emotions, other people, or events
  • Feeling depersonalized; a loss of Self or cut off from your body and environment – like you’re going through the motions
  • Having flashbacks of scenes or reliving the past event
  • Having dreams or nightmares about the past
  • Experiencing insomnia
  • Experiencing panic attacks

Post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD) is not uncommon among codependents who experienced trauma either as a child or adult. Diagnosis requires a specific number of symptoms that last for at least 30 days and may start long after the triggering event. Core symptoms include:

  • Intrusive thoughts in the form of dreams, waking flashbacks, or recurring negative thoughts
  • Avoidance of reminders of the trauma, including forgetting or avoiding sleep and shutting down feelings or numbness
  • Hyperarousal putting your nervous system on alert, creating irritability, exhaustion, and difficulty relaxing and sleeping

Trauma is debilitating and robs you of your life. Often a person has experienced several traumas, resulting in more severe symptoms, such as mood swings, depression, high blood pressure, and chronic pain.

Effects of Childhood Trauma in ACE Study

Almost two-thirds of the participants reported at least one ACE and over 20 percent reported three or more ACEs. The higher the ACE score, the higher were the participants’ vulnerability to the following conditions:

  • Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
  • Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease
  • Depression
  • Fetal death
  • Health-related quality of life
  • Illicit drug use
  • Ischemic heart disease
  • Liver disease
  • Poor work performance
  • Financial stress
  • Risk for intimate partner violence
  • Multiple sexual partners
  • Sexually transmitted diseases
  • Smoking
  • Suicide attempts
  • Unintended pregnancies
  • Early initiation of smoking
  • Early initiation of sexual activity
  • Adolescent pregnancy
  • Risk for sexual violence
  • Poor academic achievement<strong< li=””></strong<>

Treatment of Trauma

Trauma can be emotional, physical, or environmental, and can range from experiencing a fire to emotional neglect. Healing trauma is like going back in time and feeling what was unexpressed, re-evaluating unhealthy beliefs and decisions, and getting acquainted with missing parts of yourself. Facing what happened is the first step in healing. Many people are in denial of trauma they experienced in childhood, particularly if they grew up in a stable environment. If parents weren’t abusive, but were emotionally unresponsive, you would still experience loneliness, rejection, and shame about yourself and feelings that you may have denied or completely repressed. This is “emotional abandonment”

Re-experiencing, feeling, and talking about what happened are significant parts of the healing process. Another step in recovery is grieving what you’ve lost. Stages of grief include anger, depression, bargaining, sometimes guilt, and finally acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean you approve of what happened, but you’re more objective about it without resentment or strong emotions. As you release pent-up emotion from your past, you have more energy and motivation to invest in your future.

In this process, it’s essential – and too often omitted – that you discern false beliefs you may have adopted as a result of the trauma and substitute healthier ones. Usually, these are shame-based beliefs stemming from childhood shaming messages and experiences. Recovery also entails identifying and changing how you relate and talk to yourself that leads to undesirable outcomes and behavior and outcomes.

PTSD and trauma do not resolve on their own. It’s important to get treatment as soon as possible. There are several treatment modalities recommended for healing trauma, including CBT, EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, and Exposure Therapy.