Natural Bipolar Disorder Treatment

If you have manic or hypomanic periods when you are controlled by euphoria and you don’t pay attention to various dangers, and if after a certain period of time you are immersed in an unbearable depression, this probably means that you are bipolar, but you can have cyclothymia, which is a mild mood disorder. You have to understand how serious your mental health problem really is by translating the meaning of your dreams.

Your dreams reflect your psychological system, showing you how to fight the absurdity that invades your conscience, and how much this absurdity is affecting your mind and behavior.

If you are bipolar you are controlled by your anti-conscience during the period of mania and during the period of depression. This means that your human conscience is not working. You are controlled by your wild conscience, the terrible anti-conscience, which destroyed a big portion of your conscience and keeps trying to completely destroy your conscience.

Some people have a strong human conscience that protects their minds from the absurdity of their anti-conscience. This is why they don’t seem to have mental health problems. However, most people have a strong anti-conscience and a weak anti-conscience that easily manages to destroy their conscience.

You can be cured through dream therapy because the scientific method of dream interpretation discovered by Carl Jung and simplified by me helps you understand God’s words in your dreams.

You can trust the effectiveness and the safety of dream therapy based on the scientific method because God helps you eliminate the root cause of your mental health problems. God surely knows how to help you eliminate your anti-conscience and find balance, either you have bipolar I or bipolar II disorder.

By following the guidance you have in your dreams you will stop being tormented by incomprehensible mood swings. All mental health problems and unbearable symptoms are eliminated when you have the right behavior, and God shows you the behavior you must have.

Bipolar disorder is a mental disorder that requires many efforts in order to be cured. This is sad, but at least you can save your conscience thanks to God’s generosity. Dream therapy is a miraculous treatment.

You should be grateful because you have this alternative now that I completed Carl Jung’s research and I simplified his method of dream interpretation. I did everything I could to help you easily understand the meaning of your dreams and verify that this mental health treatment is practical and effective.

God can surely help you transform your anti-conscience, but you have to be persistent. Your second personality must stop being stronger than your human personality.

This second personality doesn’t seem to be another person as when you have multiple personality disorder (dissociative identity disorder), but it doesn’t represent the conscious human being you are when your conscience is strong.

The fact that your satanic anti-conscience is able to generate terrible mental disorders within your conscience means that you have to combat an unscrupulous demon that never stops trying to impose its absurdity and evilness.

Your anti-conscience is an invincible enemy because it uses a series of dishonest tactics to mislead your conscience. The fact that it lives in your brain and pretends to belong to your conscience is a tragedy.

You cannot distinguish its evil thoughts because they don’t seem to differ from your conscious thoughts. In the beginning they have a logical aspect. Their absurdity is covered, but it becomes visible later.

You have to learn how to identify the absurd thoughts sent by your anti-conscience to your conscience thanks to dream interpretation according to the scientific method. Your dreams give you lessons that help you understand the tricks used by your anti-conscience, and how you can protect your conscience from absurd thoughts that seem to be reasonable.

Psychopath and The Abused Woman

I have seen it happen repeatedly during forty years as a psychotherapist/clinical social worker. Intelligent women come to the office suffering from PTSD because they were abused by a violent lover or husband. How is it possible to be blind to the signals that this type of man is dangerous and should be avoided? More than one survivor of abuse has reported that they sensed something was wrong at the start of the relationship but then dismissed their gut reaction to being too critical or sensitive and to not giving the guy a chance. In one case a girlfriend told her to go out on their first date because he was such a nice guy. She went even though she had misgivings. Before she knew it she was in love with him. That was the start of a dark chapter in her life.

According to Author of the book, Sandra Brown, “Women Who Love Psychopaths,” “We can’t prevent what we don’t identify.” Her point is that there are women who become seduced by men who are psychopaths and then suffer abuse. As she points out, male psychopaths outnumber women psychopaths by four to one. So, what is a psychopath?

A Psychopath Is Someone Who:

  • Has a callous unconcern for the feelings of others. They exploit others without any sense of guilt or sorrow.
  • They are emotionally shallow showing a complete lack of guilt for all the harm they cause others. In terms of abuse and domestic violence, this lack of guilt includes harming children.
  • They blame others for events that they caused. To the psychopath, abuse is the fault of his wife and/or child.
  • They project a superficial charm that wins many unsuspecting women over. In other words, they know how to “con” others for their own selfish purpose or profit.
  • Along the same lines they are amazingly selfish, self-centered and unable to love or give to others.
  • It should go without saying that these are people who are capable of great violence.

It needs to be pointed out that not all abusive men are psychopaths. There are many factors that cause men to abuse women and this is just one of them. However, for the psychopath, there is no hope of changing.

Why are some women able to be seduced by the psychopath?

In my experience working with women who survived abuse is that some of them suffered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder long after having suffered through a childhood marked by violence. In one case, a woman reported that she had seen her mother being pummeled by her father when he was in a drunken state. As she got older he threatened to beat her and was not above cursing her with some of the most vile words imaginable. As she pointed out to me, “This was my family, how was I to know that it’s supposed to be different.” I suspect this carries over into adulthood making it difficult for this and other women to identify an abusive, psychopathic man.

In other cases, studies show that some of the women seduced by psychopaths had never suffered abuse during childhood. Instead, they scored high on empathy and the ability to bond with others. In other words, they openly trust others and harbor few if any suspicions about being hurt. These are the types of characteristics the predatory psychopaths that lure them. In these characteristics, they see possible victims of their exploitation. Of course, it is difficult for most of us to believe people who appear normal can be monsters. Most people want to believe in the basic goodness of all mankind. Unfortunately, this is not true of the psychopath. What is very unsettling about this is that all psychopaths are not in prison. There are what she refers to as “successful psychopaths” who manage to function in society while exploiting others.

Myths Debunked About Mental Illness

Mental health issues do not affect children

It is incorrect to believe that mental health issues do not affect children. Children, too, can and do, experience mental health disorders, such as depression and anxiety. According to the NAMI, one in five children between 13 and 18 years of age have, or will have, a mental illness. In fact, 50 percent of all lifetime cases related to mental illness begin by the age of 14.

Mental illness is a sign of weakness

An individual diagnosed with a mental health problem is often wrongly thought to be weak due to a lack of understanding. In fact, mental disorders can affect any individual from any age group, caste, creed or culture. Since the risk of developing a mental illness is dependent on various factors such as genetic, biological, social and environmental, it cannot be a sign of weakness.

Mental illness makes a person mad and dangerous

Since mental illnesses weaken a person’s emotional and mental capabilities, this, in turn, can result in disruptive behavior patterns that can negatively affect his or her life. The person might even face difficulty in interacting comfortably with people around him or her. However, any dramatic change in one’s behavior is interpreted as a sign of madness. Consequently, the person is deemed to be a danger to society. This is not at all true as dealing with a mental illness is in itself a huge challenge.

Taking a pill is the best treatment

Since mental health conditions affect every individual differently, there may not be one best suitable treatment plan that can work effectively for all. This raises the need to customize the treatment according to the needs of every person. Though medications are popularly used during the treatment, using a combination of medications and therapies, such as cognitive therapy, can work as the best treatment for a person with an illness such as depression or anxiety.

Mental illness makes the person incapable of performing at work or school

Irrespective of the fact whether a person is healthy or depressed, managing stressful situations is difficult for every individual. Therefore, it is wrong to say that a person with depression is prone to fail at work or in school, or in meeting family responsibilities. In fact, a majority of them excel in their fields. In certain cases, the person can be so brilliant that it is hard for people to even realize that he or she is dealing with any mental health problem.

Recognize Gaslighting

Befriending you and gleaning information from friends and relatives are ways the abuser gains insight into how to undermine your mental health. Should you have even a minor psyche issue, it will be greatly exaggerated and much-discussed.

Dominate or destroy is the basic premise of gaslighting. Usually early childhood issues are played out in the imbalanced mind of the aggressor. Anger and jealousy are often at the root of the situation.

This is not a one-time or temporary situation. It often continues indefinitely until a crisis shines a light on the situation. Concealment is a hallmark of this form of mental and emotional abuse. Isolation and emotional manipulation are common tactics as well.

My sister has been undermining my life, my role in our family and my spirit for decades. I’m not surprised her abuse escalated past vicious gossip and back-biting. As she gained recruits to her cause of discounting me, her feeling of power increased. She needed to flex that power as often and fully as she could.

I avoided meeting anyone in her world. There is no telling how many versions of untruths have been repeated. Her efforts to convince everyone that I am delusional and my mother has full dementia were constant.

There is a term called ‘double doc’ing.’ If two doctors deem a person to have dementia, a third party (my older sister) could commandeer care. The plan was to put my mother in a care facility against her will and be done with her. Her life was blocking use of family land.

She lived in fear and I joined her. As soon as I arrived and blocked her residency in the Lexington Place care facility, I became the target. Immediately, my mental status and the way I behaved was in question.

Both of us feared the end. When Mom passed, I became an open target. The police were at my door with an eviction notice within days of her memorial. A judge gave me and 10 elderly rescue animals five days to vacate.

Friends stepped in or the dogs and I had no choice but plan an extended camping trip at the lake. I literally shook with fear. Gabapentin kept the alcohol cravings at bay but it got dicey. After giving Mom’s eulogy, I started to emotionally shut down.

After the judge spoke, I just wandered out of the courtroom. They were calling to me about court costs but I barely had gas to get home. I got to our tiny trailer in the middle of the Piney Woods and broke down. I needed to grieve my mother.

Soon, more police. I walked out with my new Texas license in hand. I shook hands with both officers and apologized. I told them that they were being used to harass me by my sister Cindy. Clearly, they expected to find me in an altered state. I told the paramedics that joined them that I was willing to take any test. Not necessary.

My sister isn’t finished. Her anger runs through her soul. It has steeped and festered over the years since it began around high school age. Shaking my mental health and emotional stability is the goal. Constantly reminding others of my weakness-perceived or real-keeps the destructive energy alive.

No victim has to stay in the role. It surprised me to defend my mental state on multiple occasions but no one detected a serious defect. Depression/anxiety issues are now a constant. One 10 mg. Lexapro has now morphed into 8 meds per day since I came to live near family.

Gaslighting is serious abuse. It does more damage than is visible. When the core of a person is attacked, survival instincts kick in. I no longer feel safe being in the room with my sister alone. She has suggested often that I may be violent. She would stab herself and throw the knife down and say I did it. It’s that advanced in my case.

“Stop sharing what’s happening on ‘social media’ or you are going to get hurt,” she growled. Her husband chimed in, “And she’ll do it too.” I told her that I didn’t know our people physically threaten each other. My advanced degenerative disc disease quickly reminded me how vulnerable I am to injury.

My situation went way too far. I couldn’t leave my mother’s side and it was unbearable to endure. Watching my mother fade after burying my little sister caused a full breakdown. I had to be hospitalized. It was necessary.

I saw how one person could take my sensitive heart and caring nature and use it to try to crush me. She knew I would stay and take care of Mom but she wanted the credit for being the caring daughter. When I showed up and found her living in filth, I almost called adult services.

Cleaning that entire place was what was needed but with constant attacks by my sister, it was never peaceful for any duration. We did what we could and extended her life by a few years by rescuing abused animals. That part of this journey sustained us both.

Today, I am learning that it was announced through the elders in my family that I am delusional and ‘hooked on pills.’ There’s not an ounce of truth but Dad, my loving aunt and some nieces are worried. It irritates my soul to know I caused concern. My sister delights in the drama.

Tracing The Links To Suicide

The Child Emotion Lab and work conducted by Dr.’s Seth Pollak, Moshe Szyf, and. Dr. Pollak explains that children of abuse will endure a lot of physical ailments because of the emotional trauma they endure as a child of abuse. Dr. Szyf believes our experiences in life affect our genes significantly and can alter the way our cells function without changing the DNA functions; this is called epigenetics. Epigenetics explains how identical cells, with the same DNA can turn one cell into a liver cell, and one into a heart cell, or one into a cancer cell.

Dr. Szyf conducted a study on rat pups in 2005, at McGill University, with colleagues, and found the rat pups had a gene that helped them manage stress, called the NR3C1 gene. The NR3C1 gene was a methylated muted gene, made of tiny quartets of carbon and hydrogen atoms, which stick to the DNA, and derail the cellular machinery that translates genes into proteins. Dr. Pollok’s staff checked the blood of children who came from abused homes and found they had the same methylated gene. NR3C1 is the gene that codes for the hormone cortisol, which helps you in flight or fight response, when you feel threatened.

A child in an abusive situation feels threatened continually, so this becomes a problem when the cortisol levels stay high, leading to adult heart disease, diabetes II, auto immune diseases due to inflammation, and other diseases. Having these genes damaged due to abuse, is similar to the damage due to radiation or drug abuse on a cellular level.

Many survivors suffer with emotional, psychological, and physical ailments, another issue is mental illness, depression, and suicide. Survivors have mentioned wanting to drive into oncoming traffic or to drive off a bridge; or think of other ways to commit suicide. With the holiday’s coming up, I encourage you to surround yourself with those who love and support you, not family and friends who want you to pretend the abuse never happened because it is more comfortable for them in denial.

In another study by Dr. Zachary Kaminsky, at John Hopkins University, in Baltimore, MD, they found the gene SKA2, which can predict if someone may likely take their own life. Researchers have found the gene, SKA2, in the prefrontal cortex, is responsible for controlling impulsive behavior and preventing negative thoughts. If the gene is altered, the body can’t control the levels of cortisol in the system. Research showed victims had large amounts of cortisol in their system.

The blood test had a 90 % accuracy rate; and a 96% accuracy rate for those who have already attempted suicide, just by looking at their SKA2 levels.

Dr. Kaminsky thought this was important in placing patients on suicide watch, restricting drug access, equipment they might use, soldiers entering or returning from war, and what care to give.

Ambient Abuse

By fostering a dependency that creates a power differential, the ambient abuser implies s/he possesses great insight, which will assist the targeted victim in her growth and well-being. The ambient abuser ostensibly only wants the best for the target. The ambient abuser behaves altruistically, concealing the underlying motive to get the upper hand. The ambient abusers’ appearance of benevolence, honesty and generosity is seductive and disorients the target and assists in ensuring the necessary leverage needed to ‘manage’ the target and diminish her self worth.

When conflict emerges it’s an opportunity for the ambient abuser to deny wrongdoing and assign responsibility for the alleged infraction to the target. The seemingly well-intentioned ambient abuser may ‘selflessly’ point out how the flaws and shortcomings in the target are responsible for instigating the dispute.

George K. Simon Jr., wrote (In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People), “Playing the victim role: Manipulator portrays him – or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else’s behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.” Hence, the target, naturally inclined to believe that the ambient abuser is fundamentally ethical and that cooperation and compassion are collective moral imperatives, yields to what s/he assumes will be a collaborative effort to work through difficulties. The ambient abuser capitalizes on this pre-disposition.

Should the target dare to question the stealth abuser’s intermittent barbs and disparagement, further distortion ensues. A disorienting narrative unfolds in which the target is held liable for questioning motives and doubting the sincerity of the abuser. This scenario involves the target being convinced that in fact it is s/he who is abusive and irrational. Alternatively the ambient abuser may initially pretend to concede and acknowledge ‘their part’ so as to strategically reassure the target. In due time the ambient abuser will reaffirm the target’s unreasonable ‘misconduct’ denying he ever conceded responsibility at all.

These myriad tactics deployed by the ambient abuser are known as gaslighting. False information is manufactured and deliberately presented to the victim, so as to make her doubt her memory and/or perceptions.

As this recurrent circuitous dynamic persists greater frequency and intensity of gaslighting occurs. Inevitably the target is pummeled into silence and cognitive dissonance. She succumbs to the coercion, believing it is her paranoia and/or unhealed afflictions and flaws, which cause her to behave so egregiously and are responsible for igniting relational difficulties. She begins to doubt her sanity.

Ultimately the corrosive impact of ambient abuse results in the target losing sight of who she is. She is bewildered as to what defines her reality, and comes to view herself as inherently defective. Her sense of personal agency has vanished. Bouts of emotional flooding vacillate with episodic dissociation. S/he is fearful, paranoid, and marginalized. At this point the bond between abuser and victim is characterized by Stockholm Syndrome; a pathological infantile attachment in which one’s tormenter is perceived as one’s redeemer.

Prevent Dangerous Outcomes

I continued his research from that point and on by precisely obeying the divine guidance in my dreams, after discovering that God is the dream producer. I had a religious attitude.

I was young and ignorant, and I recognized the fact that I needed guidance. I couldn’t imagine what I would find in the end.

When I discovered the existence of the satanic anti-conscience in the human brain (in January of 1989) I kept obeying God’s guidance as I was doing before discovering it, but with more seriousness. My obedience was the result of a long preparation.

When someone discovers something this person has to act according to the knowledge they have after making this discovery.

I felt somehow like Alfred Nobel, who invented dynamite because he discovered its explosive power. He had to deal with many accidents, and his brother died because of an explosion in one of their factories. He suffered very much because of his dangerous discovery.

The fact that I discovered the existence of a satanic conscience that works in parallel with our human conscience in our brain was like discovering the existence of a bomb in the human brain, ready to explode.

My discovery was more than terrible. This discovery changed the meaning of everything.

However, it was indispensable. The fact that I discovered that Satan lives in the human brain is positive for humanity, even though this is a bitter truth. We have to stop being indifferent to absurdity in order to stop being victims of our satanic anti-conscience.

Many tragic cases prove this bitter truth. Women who suffer from postpartum psychosis and kill their babies after having a child prove that there is a demon inside their brain, generating absurd and evil behavior. Otherwise, they would never kill their own child. Tragic cases of people who suffer from multiple personality disorder and don’t remember the crimes they commit when they are controlled by a violent part of their personality prove this fact the same way.

We can find many similar examples if we will examine the mental health problems and crimes of the human race.

We believed that only some people were mentally ill and most people were normal. However, thanks to the knowledge we have now, we know that everyone is mentally ill from birth. We inherit a satanic primitive conscience and our human conscience must be developed in order to become really intelligent and sensitive.

Everyone is absurd, but some people manage to hide their absurdity.

The same demon that is responsible for the crimes committed by those who are condemned by our hypocritical society lives in the brain of these who condemn their actions.

Anyone can become a murderer or a thief, or commit suicide at any time, even if they seemed to be reasonable, sensitive, and honest all their lives. Everything depends on how strong their anti-conscience is, and on the situations they face in life.

We have many recurring dreams and nightmares because they reflect the absurdity imposed by our anti-conscience to our conscience.

Why would we have terrible nightmares if we had no reason to be afraid of anything?

If we were mentally healthy, we wouldn’t have nightmares and bad dreams. We would have only interesting dreams giving us information about the future.

A woman who suffers from postpartum psychosis cannot suppose that she will be affected by this terrible mental disorder after giving birth. The only way she can prevent it is by following psychotherapy through dream interpretation based on the scientific method before giving birth.

A person who suffers from multiple personality disorder or schizophrenia couldn’t suppose that this was their destiny before acquiring this mental illness.

Only if we will precisely obey the divine guidance in our dreams can we prevent craziness and terror.

Prevent Mental Health Problems

We are not alive to live like animals. Material pleasures don’t help us evolve.

We have to stop being frivolous and pay attention to those who are suffering.

We have to eliminate terror, poverty, immorality, and all the horrors of the world. We have to forgive our enemies and let God punish everyone whenever they will be able to learn their lessons and regret.

We wouldn’t think about getting revenge if we didn’t have a satanic nature. We feel pleasure when our enemies suffer because we are absurd and evil.

Their suffering doesn’t erase our suffering. We shouldn’t become glad when they are punished. We should be sorry for them because they were controlled by their satanic anti-conscience when they were evil.

The main reason why God doesn’t immediately punish all sinners the way they deserve to be punished while they are alive is because their enemies would become glad, feeling that they got revenge. The worst sinners are punished many years after committing their sins.

We have to stop wanting to get revenge of our enemies and feel compassion for them because they are sick. On the other hand, all sinners are punished after death, besides being punished while they are alive even if this is not visible to the outside world.

We should realize that our life on earth is a temporary period of time that prepares us for our life after death, instead of believing that we have to live well on earth. Here we are in a school. We have to learn many lessons and evolve.

We have to change many things now that we know that there is a demon in our brain, but first of all everyone must believe in this fact and stop being superficial and frivolous.

Most people don’t want to believe in the existence of the anti-conscience, but we cannot keep being indifferent now that we know the truth. The demon is always trying to kill us, besides destroying other people’s lives.

The confrontation with the anti-conscience demands a heroic attitude that most people don’t want to have. However, all dreamers have to verify the existence of a demon in their brain through dream translation, even without directly fighting its absurdity in their daily life like I had to do when I discovered its existence.

For me everything was very dangerous and unbearable because I was the first one to discover the existence of the anti-conscience and I was predetermined to face schizophrenia at a certain point of my life. For everyone else this experience is sad, but safe and simple thanks to the process they follow through dream translation.

The anti-conscience generates too many unbearable symptoms at the same time, like dizziness, loss of equilibrium, and many other unpleasant sensations. However, its attacks are organized. They become worse as it tries to destroy the person’s conscience without managing to do it.

The attacks of the anti-conscience begin with dizziness, oral and visual distortions, and many absurd and repetitive thoughts about the most mundane aspects of the human life. Then, it sends panic attacks, blackouts, and hallucinations to the person’s conscience. It is an invincible enemy.

I could survive its attacks without losing my mind because I was praying all the time and I was studying my experiences like a doctor, always guided by God, who was helping me face this dangerous battle through many ways, besides sending me information in dreams.

I had the codes I found in Chico Xavier’s book. These codes helped me have a direct communication with God without sleeping and dreaming. This alternative changed everything for me. My communication with God went to the next level. I didn’t doubt that God was alive, and I didn’t doubt that the terrible symptoms I had to bear were sent by a demon.

This is why I could survive and I’m giving you lessons today. I managed to face everything with courage in order to give you this information and help you avoid being a victim of your anti-conscience. You won’t bear to fight its unbearable symptoms like I did.

The same demon I found in my brain lives in everyone’s brain. I was not an exception.

God helped me clearly understand the relationship between religion and science. All mental illnesses are generated by Satan (our satanic anti-conscience) when it manages to invade our conscience.

You can verify the existence of your anti-conscience in your dreams, without having to face its unbearable symptoms like me. This way you will be able to prevent mental health problems.

This verification requires great courage because what you understand after verifying that you are too absurd changes your life. You stop being frivolous and inconsequential. You become a mature and responsible person.

Children and Mental Health

  • Air pollution: According to the World Health Organization (WHO), air pollution is the world’s greatest environmental health risk, linked to one in eight of the total global deaths. But when it comes to air pollution, people generally connect it to respiratory problems, like coughing, wheezing, asthma, etc. A 2016 study by the Umeå University in Sweden revealed that there is a strong link between polluted air and the rise in kids’ mental health problems. In fact, they found that the children who stayed in highly polluted areas were most likely to take prescribed medications associated with long-term mental problems.
  • Weather worries: Worrying constantly about weather can cause mental problems, like phobia and stress. According to Stephen Whiteside, a psychologist and anxiety prevention expert at the Mayo Clinic Children’s Center in Rochester, being anxious due to severe weather conditions is normal. However, some children develop storm phobias that affect their day-to-day lives. He added that constantly worrying about the weather makes it difficult for such kids to concentrate in schools. Moreover, there have been instances when children routinely check the weather forecasts and are afraid to leave the house.
  • Spanking: Spanking is seen as a common method to discipline a child. However, a 2016 study by the University of Texas at Austin and the University of Michigan confirmed that spanking might increase the risks of mental health disorders, cognitive impairment, aggression and anti-social behavior in children. Spanking, in fact, might cause long-term mental problems that greatly overshadow the short-term behavioral obedience.
  • Threatening parents: Parents who yell and threaten their children can trigger depression and other disruptive disorders in them. A 2010 study done by Bowling Green State University, Ohio, revealed that verbal hostility can put the children at greater risks of developing mental problems. As Peggy O’Mara, renowned editor and publisher said, “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”
  • Cyberbullying: Physical bullying definitely causes a negative effect on a child’s mind. But with more time spent on social media, children now become victims of cyberbullying too. The Huffington Post website states that since cyberbullying takes place in a virtual space without any physical contact, the agony experienced by a child can be double than normal. Since the child is powerless to take any real-time measures to stop such a harassment, he/she feels more tormented and mentally distressed.

Mental Health Industry Needs to Overcome Stigma

I was learning to chop cheese steaks at a Korean owned deli and instantly enamored with this mentor on the grill, Mister Ray Gee. The deli was located just across the river from downtown Philadelphia, in the North Camden ghetto. This Mister Ray and I were just meeting. We were both the same skin-and-bones size, our last names went together in rhyme, and any middle aged man who didn’t have a gut was an inspiration to me.

Mister Ray took one look at me and exclaimed in one breath, “Wow you are like Nervous Norton! But don’t worry, it’s not your fault! You were just raised that way!”

Without missing a breath, our supervisor, a short and stout man who we called Doc set me to work scraping grease off the floor with a razor blade. I dove into the work very comfortable with what had just occurred. I felt a little charge with the challenge. On my knees I scraped and scraped to overcompensate.

I immediately found myself thinking about how when I returned to school from four months of incarceration in two different mental health hospitals, I had only scoffed when my peers, the majority of whom had previously bullied me, welcomed me back with a little gift certificate. I had reasoned that it wasn’t all that unusual of a gesture for peers at a private Quaker school to extend. I had only been humiliated. I had to acknowledge that it was nervous behavior.

I thought even more about the sessions the family had in Salvador Minuchin’s reputable inpatient clinic. One day in session, my Mom openly admitted that she shared the content of a session back to a work colleague. My Mom worked at the school I attended. She later gave me evidence that my private information was filtering down to the jury of my peers who were sorry and praying for her. When I returned to school much of this would appear to be confirmed. Worse no therapist on the hospital staff seemed to acknowledge my perspective.

On my knees, I sensed Mister Ray was intuiting aspects of these complexities with his test. If I was willing to pass his test, he was giving me a chance to learn something new.

In the yearbook back at Quaker school, my peers lied about the local commuter school I chose to attend. They said that I went to the high cost prestige of Antioch University in Ohio. I was an honor student and I was making them all look bad when I moved to the ghetto with a twenty-five-year-old girlfriend and save my parents money. Communication in my family about finances is such that I still don’t know if I really had a choice.

A few months later, I got my second point of wisdom from Mister Ray. By this time I had learned to use the grill from him. I had heard about his sexual exploits with white girls without judgment. I had aptly proven that outside work I was just a book worm in the library, but could curse. And though it was true that by that time he knew I lived with roaches to escape from an abusive relationship, I think what really earned me respect was my willingness to let him con me into driving him uptown after work to cop.

In any case, he decided to help me. He said, “Boy, you have got to work smarter, not harder.” It became a mantra along with his nickname for me, Nervous Norton.

Again, I felt profoundly understood. It wasn’t that I marveled because I didn’t expect anything from him. We had fallen into a pattern of respect. With few words and resilience of spirit he inspired a spiritual healing within.

As a man with significant learning disabilities, I couldn’t afford to immediately practice Mister Ray’s second lesson. When I would be a graduate and fledgling social worker I would have a habit of positioning myself beneath supervisors as I worked my way through a Master’s Program and carrying out their will.

This worked fine until I graduated and got hired by a supervisor who also sustained a cocaine habit in a west coast city. I became radicalized and started breaking standard drug war codes of behavior in a section 8 housing project. This caused me to believe that I was being followed. I ended up incarcerated in an old order state hospital. It took two and a half years of poverty, but I eventually would recover. In order to recover I would need to learn how to do things like honor my mother in spite of those perceptions I had back in high school.I would need to accept stigma and find ways to do battle with it.

It wasn’t till six years after I recouped my career that I actually started to use Mister Ray’s well remembered advice. I started running groups about surviving “psychosis” using my own experience. I started my own personal practice of keeping in real in therapy.

Perhaps it was unique privilege to be taught points of wisdom by Mister Ray. They continue to help me see through the lies and shortcomings that currently limit our mental health field, evidence based practice and the medical model. I even see through elements of cultural bias in some anti-establishment rhetoric.

Sadly, Ray and Doc had only lasted a few seasons before they both quit because of becoming disgruntled with the Korean mobster management and oppression. I certainly didn’t blame them even though I ended up losing touch. At the Deli, stale cereal sold for seven dollars a box and there were no supermarkets within a ten mile radius. Neighborhood contacts reported that Doc, who had used unacknowledged expertise to diversify the menu, had a subsequent binge on crack.

I ended up partnering with a similarly aged cohort from the neighborhood because I did need the money. My partner and I ended up mentoring youth beneath us. They had a choice, I would learn, between working with us under the table, and working to sell crack under the bridge. Some didn’t have longevity, but several did. For several years they were my family and social life.

Though I am well aware that not all academic and administrative folks need a lecture about mainstream paradigms, now that I am advocating for the development of an out of the box program in an utterly oppressive system, I find many who do. I believe we can train individuals who have experienced “psychosis” and are on the streets to run support groups. I have helped prove this could be done, but not everyone wants to listen.

At work as a psychotherapist in an inner-city program, I do therapy with good Mister Ray people who have more beauty in their hearts and suffering in their bones than me, but who are rendered immobile and impoverished. I believe a lot less harm could be done. I believe solutions exist that can transform the system from being a cotton industry to a soil saving industry of mixed nuts. It’s just that no one wants to listen.

I think of Mister Ray’s mentor-ship and what it must have been like him to observe an upwardly mobile, eager to work, perfectionist, anorexic white boy and decide in spite of my disgust, to support him. I figure it is something like making friends with a person who defends those stale seven dollar boxes of cereal paradigms that fail people.