To give you a simple explanation, my conscious mind and my unconscious mind blended into one mind. The critical faculty of my conscious mind stopped functioning and the logical part of the mind was suppressed also. My reality didn’t correspond with the reality of my surroundings. It was like not being awakened from a deep scary dream. There was nobody around who could actually help me with my situation. My partner was frantically driving us around, hoping to find the right healer that would know how to get me back to earth. After many varied attempts of renowned spiritual healers, there was no other option but to admit me to the intensive care unit of a hospital.
After spending several days in hospital and being medicated to the brim I reemerged back into what could be called the ‘former self’. Yet I was forever changed. There was no going back. What firstly seemed like a one of event soon became a regular nightmare. In the space of several months, I was readmitted back to hospital. The doctors told me that I had a mental illness and gave me somewhat shaky diagnosis and medication to take.
I knew better. This could not be any illness. Well, in my eyes I was undergoing spiritual transformation that unfortunately didn’t go as well as planned. However, my understanding of the situation was of no help to me. After several hospitalizations and change of diagnosis I learned to appreciate the medical viewpoint. I saw that what I had been experiencing was indeed called mental illness. That nevermind the way it started, the symptoms that I now had were typical and well documented for a mental illness.
Living a fairly long time in denial and rebellion against the prescribed medication I obviously was not able to deal with it by myself. I learned that I did need the medical help. It was a reality that I had to accept. I had an ongoing problem that needed to be worked on.
While I later accepted the fact that this was not a temporary issue, I still resisted the fact that I needed to be on medication to function and stay away from the hospital. It took me very long time to realize the medication might really have been helping me to stay well and that I would be taking it even after I was discharged from hospital. It now became part of my new life reality.
Life has a funny way of dealing with our dreams. I (and nobody that ever knew me) had never before imagined that I would be once diagnosed as mentally ill. However, as this is now a part of my life experience, I embrace it. The diagnosis is not WHO I AM. Although it’s now part of my reality. This situation taught me to see a new meaning to my life.
To embrace and accept the verdict and to learn from it and its many hospitalizations to be able to help others understand.
The one learning that I have from it is that we are all living life with a conditioned programming of our reality. Most of us can’t see life for what it really is. Many times we are not living our true purpose, but only surviving until the paycheck.
My life showed me a different perspective. One of my many life purposes is to shine a light on the so-called mental illness and what it represents for the individual and it’s surroundings. How we are all the same, yet have a different internal worlds. How we see ourselves and how we believe others are seeing us.
Having studied several mind focusing modalities, such as NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), Psychosomatic Therapy, Hypnotherapy & Life Coaching, I have a broader understanding and unique perspective to guide me in my life.
My life is different from yours in many ways. Your story is unique to you. However, I hope my story and viewpoint might encourage you to look on the bright side of life. Everything that happens in our life can be seen as an opportunity for growth. Once we distill the meaning and purpose of the situation we become empowered by it.
The reason why I shared this very personal story was to show you we all have individual challenges that we need to learn to deal with. There is greater meaning in this life journey and you have only to discover it.
Enjoy the journey and stay strong through challenges.